The Angry Word Has A New Home!

We're proud to move to our new home and become a part of the Yummy Machine!

Everything here will remain as part of an archive but only till the end of March! Then it's full on to the Yummy Machine Productions!

Visit us now over at http://angrymessiah.yummymachine.com/

This Is What's Killing The Planet

Go ahead, click on it. Then, when you're done scrolling through over 21 inches of receipt, you'll notice what I bought.

3! FUCKING. ITEMS.

That's right, I got a receipt that could choke a mound of termites, and said mound that covered the square area of a football field. For what?

Loaf of bread. Box of crackers. Bag of sugar.

I didn't buy a small asian boy and the rest of that shit isn't the warranty for a new car. It's surveys. It's 5 coupons for 3 different pizza places. Car wash discounts. Spanish instructions for a survey that I have to press 2 for English to take.

This is the corporate bullshit that is killing us. So how can we at The Angry Word help? Let's just eliminate the horseshit from this thing and get to the stuff you need to know.




5.2 inches. That's it. That's all you need. It's the important stuff. Remember, sometimes length isn't important as just getting the job done.

Could that be a thinly veiled dick joke?

Maybe.

Be Well Citizen

Everyone In South Carolina Is A Stupid Cocksucker

I’m sure all of you out there have heard this by now but it’s really worth reading again:

In a speech at a town hall meeting in the Upstate, Bauer revisited instructions he said his grandmother had given him when he was a small child. Bauer said his grandmother, who was not highly educated, had told him to stop feeding stray animals.

"You know why?" he asked. "Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a human ample food supply."

Bauer, 40, later said his intent was to explain the government is "breeding a culture of dependency" with its social program, which he said has grown out of control and "amounts to little more than socialism, paid for by hardworking, tax-paying families ... against their wishes."

What. The. Fuck.

Now if Republican Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer really feels this way and I’m sure he does, shouldn’t he be taking this shit up with/on the proper forum? For instance, why doesn’t that stupid cocksucker find a way to travel through time (like.. oh say, Nick and Dooie? Cross promotion posting! New strips every Mondays!) and take his stupid cocksucking mouth and bitch at Franklin Delano Roosevelt?

You know why? Cause Frank would kick the shit out of this asshole. Frank wasn’t the kind of guy that thought “Well, it’s the Great Depression. Instead of fixing our problems, let’s just stop feeding them.”. Why didn’t he think this way? CAUSE HE WASN’T A STUPID COCKSUCKER.

Andre did get one thing right. We are paying taxes against our wishes. I certainly didn’t pay 8 years worth of taxes for Bush to use them in Iraq. So tit-for-tat asshole. You get a war, I get welfare.

Be Well Citizen

It's Official! I Rock.

Listen up fuckers, no updates on this thing because the fruit of my loins has been born. It's www.nickanddooie.com for your faces and hearts. Check it out and love it.

Be Well Citizen.

New Moon, Old Shit

Vampires, Werewolfs, and Douchebags. Is there anything this series doesn’t have? Except, you know, decent fucking writing?

I truly don’t understand what the fuss is about. Stephenie Meyer is a fucking hack. I had the misfortune of being stuck in Minneapolis last year after a most bitching Slipknot show and the next morning, while nursing my hangover and waiting for everyone else to wake up, I pulled the book from the shelf of a deranged fan and perused the first 200 pages or so in like, 30 minutes. Granted, I read like roadrunners fuck but I’m not that fast. It was just that easy to read. It might as well have been published by Scholastic next to the nickel books on your kindergartners’ desk. It was disgusting.

“Ohhh Edward, make me your zombie he-bitch! Giggle!” wailed millions of androgynous ass-wipes.

Can this shit get any worse? These pieces of shit get released faster than big-booty whores marry semi-talented basketball players. New Moon is right around the corner and I feel the need to brain anyone I see reading this book. Look, it’s no secret I hate this shit and have long harbored venomous thoughts about blowing up Stephenie with my mind but can we tone it down a bit? Edward doesn’t need to be branded on your 13 year old daughters bitty-titties.

Anyone with half a dead-brain (read: the fans) would realize that Edward, as a vampire, is over a hundred years old, a 104 to be exact according to Wikipedia, and as such, his involvement with “Bella” would be a cut and dry case of pedophilia. Is this really the message we want to send to the world 382 million times over?

I hope you all get paper cuts and die over your copy of Breaking Dawn.

Be Well Citizen

This Is Why Updates Haven't Happened

Because over the last few months, some friends and myself have been pounding this out (see the widget on the left and join us over at our Official Fan Page) and we go live January 1st, 2010. It's gonna be wild.

Be Well Citizen

The Semi-Bi-Kind-Of-Monthly Update. I'm Over It.

Shit almighty, it's been a wild couple of months.

I've managed to set myself on fire, damn near got banned from Six Flags, started writing a comic strip (with real art, not the cut and paste nonsense I do over at www.angrymessiahcomics.blogspot.com) and a graphic novel project that when we release it, will blow your socks off and put them in the washer.

So, yea, I've been damn busy.

Unfortunately, no job yet but one remains hopeful. I'm just hoping that I become gainfully employed before I have to stand in front of Obama's death panel.

I would figure that after this, you would have guessed that these updates will be few and far between. Hey, I took a year off before, no reason I can't do it again.


Be Well Citizen.

Andi Need's A New Phone!

Recently, my wife was coming home from BarBri classes when she got her iPhone jacked from her at the Wilson Red Line stop here in Chicago. We’ve only been here for 3 weeks. Nice way to start out in the city…

It was snatched right out of her hands, violating her personal space, her property and sense of excitement being in this city.

Naturally, within 45 minutes of it getting ganked, we had the number suspended, all the passwords changed and we called AT&T for some help. None was provided…

Sadly, the corporate blood leeches that AT&T has become, told us we were out of luck for the stolen phone. They would not activate the GPS to track it down. Our only remedy was to just accept that it was gone and in order to replace it, we would have had to have insurance on the iPhone. Guess what models AT&T doesn’t provide insurance for? Yea, you got it. The iPhone.

OS 3.0 just dropped and we COULD have tracked it down with a hundred dollar subscription to MobileMe but hell, even that’s not a guarantee. So, any one want to take a guess as to how much it is to replace a 300 dollar phone?

500 dollars.

That’s right. It’s 500 clams. Which brings me to my point. As a pre-job lawyer, just starting out and waiting to take her Bar Exam, she needs a phone. So I’m turning to you fine folks.

For just one dollar, EVER, you can give support to something that actually matters. This isn’t some child with a hairlip in Cambodia that needs 40 cents a day, this is an almost lawyer, planning on going into public service, looking for a hand up. If you can spare a buck, just scroll to the top of the page and donate.

Who knows, one day you might need her services. Couldn’t hurt to get some probono work for an act of kindness today.

Be Well Citizen.

Scatterblast! Fancy Waste Of Time

I loathe you, ketchup packet. You are .32 oz of nuisance. There is enough ketchup in one of these damn little bags of tomato tease for approximately 3 french fries. What, am I anorexic? NO! So give me some damn ketchup. Why can’t it come in the same container as the Sweet ‘N Sour sauce or BBQ sauces? Those are at least .75 oz, and are MUCH easier to open and to dip my fries in. And fancy ketchup? Fuck you. It’s regular ketchup. Oh, and take the hint from Arby’s sauce packets. Those are at least .50 oz.

That’s It. I’m Done.

June Update!

After a long and arduous move to Chicago, updates will continue next week. Internets are mine once more!

Be Well Citizen